I want to tell you
by Sara's Earliest Works
Summary: Zoisite angsting over Kunzite. Pretty decent considering my standard fare of the day.


"I want to tell you...but I'm afraid to lose you"  
by Sara Jaye

Wow, another fanfic from me. :P And like my last fanfic, this is also a shounen ai. It's about Zoisite's feelings for Kunzite, from Zoi's point of view. It's written more like a letter to him. And it kinda is...but that's all I can say for now. I actually started writing this awhile back, last spring. But I hit a block, and it just sat in my folder unfinished, like several of my other attempts. But...last night, I dug it out and just started writing again. And voila! I actually got it done save for the ending (which I wrote this afternoon)! So, here it is.

Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. None of the characters belong to me. This fanfic is angsty shounen ai, so if that kind of thing bothers you or isn't your speed, you may want to close the window. :P But if not, enjoy!

I don't know why I just can't say this. I mean, it should be the easiest thing ever. Just tell you...but it's not. For some reason, what should be the easiest thing in the world, it seems like, is impossible for me.  
Especially since I've felt this way since we first met. And we've always been close, right? So I should just be able to come right out and say it.  
But I just can't. For the life of me, I just can't.  
Maybe it's because I don't want to ruin our friendship. Or maybe I don't want our boss finding out, or one of the other guys. Maybe I just keep forgetting.  
Or maybe I'm just...afraid.  
Afraid of what you might think. Afraid of what everyone else will say. And most of all...afraid of losing you. Losing the most important person in the world to me. Just the very thought of losing you brings pain to my heart. You're the only one who cares for me in this bleak kingdom, the only one who has cared for me in years. Yes, you are rough on me at times, and you can be very cold and cynical. Yet underneath that rough exterior, you're a warm, caring man. No wonder I fell in love with you.  
Love...what a very strange emotion. If the person you feel it towards feels the same way, it can be wonderful and exhilarating. But if not, it can be painful, heartbreaking, and depressing. And in some cases...ruin a relationship. I don't want that to happen.  
Don't think I haven't tried to tell you. I've dropped quite a few hints. And a few times, when the time was right...we were alone. Just relaxing together, by the Sakura trees, I almost did tell you. But alas...I froze. My nerve was lost, and my head was filled with images of you rejecting me, or walking away. A voice-your voice, telling me we were friends, and nothing more. It was always that way, and it is always going to be that way.  
I wish more than anything to confess to you what I'm feeling, and for you to feel the same way. Yet I know, despite my dreaming of it...it will probably never be. We are friends, and nothing more. I guess...that's just the way it must be. Sometimes, I wonder if maybe you feel the same way...but like I said, you probably don't. I just know.  
Besides, I know you like women. I've seen you comment before on how beautiful a woman was, even flirt. Sure, I looked as if I couldn't care less, but deep down, my heart ached, and I wanted to lock myself away to cry. I wished with all my heart that you would look at me that way, think I was a beautiful creature...why can't you see? You can be so dense, you never seem to get the hints.  
Wow...now I'm blaming you for all this. What's wrong with me? It's not your fault, never was, and never will be. It is I who can't just come out and say it. I'm the coward...it's my fault I feel so miserable, so confused...so alone.  
I'm almost crying now. My eyes sting with tears, and my heart is aching. I feel so lonely, so cold...I need you. I can't stand the thought of ever losing you. I wish more than ever right now to just say to you what I'm feeling, how you've captured my very soul, how you're the only one I could ever want...why does this have to be so hard? Why? I will tell you one of these days. I can't keep this inside my soul forever. Whether it be tonight, or tomorrow, or even the end of this week, you will know. I know my risks...yet at the same time, the tiny flicker of optimism I have gives me the strength to believe that maybe...just maybe...you feel the same way. I don't know.  
But I know one thing. Sooner or later, I will say this...I love you, Kunzite-sama. I always have, and I always will.  
My only hope is that you love me too.  
Yours truly,  
Zoisite

"Oh my God"  
His hands shook as he placed the letter back on the table. He was shocked. Zoisite loved him? He couldn't believe this. He'd been so sure that he only looked up to him as a teacher and a friend, and nothing more. Sure, he'd dropped a few hints, but Kunzite had just shrugged them off, even tried to convince himself he was just imagining things. Well, he obviously wasn't. "All this time, I've wondered if he could ever love me as I loved him. And I always assumed that we would never be more than friends..." He looked over at Zoisite's bed, hoping he was still awake, or at least hadn't fallen asleep yet. "Zoi?" he whispered. No answer. Zoisite had indeed fallen asleep. Kunzite smiled. He looks so peaceful, he thought. However, his smile faded as he got a closer look. Zoisite's eyes were slightly red, and his face was a bit damp. He'd obviously been crying. "Poor guy," Kunzite muttered under his breath. Sighing, he pulled the covers up over Zoisite's shoulders, then gently brushed a hand through the silky blonde hair. "Gomen nasai...I promise I won't keep this from you any longer. I'll tell you soon...sleep well, Zoisite," he whispered. He walked to the door, and before slipping out of the room, whispered, "Aishiteru, Zoi-kun."

End 


End file.
